Textile People | Textiles for Kitchens

splade futures, hedge your bets

In these uncertain times we recommend that you have a few splades (splayds) tucked between your basket of currencies and lean hogs.

A splade comes in handy on a rainy day. Sit there on the park bench holding your brolly in one hand and a spork or splade in the other with which (expensive education you see) to scoop up your quartered tomato and fork in your iceberg lettuce. Made from sparkling stainless steel, this baby is quicker than an Aston Martin when getting those rice futures into the old portfolio. (otherwise known as a cakehole).

passers by will admire the fine craftsmanship of the splade and gay colours of the spork. You will become the envy of other investors as you caught that splayd on a rising market. What a coup. Coo what a marvellous invention, we bring you a spoon a fork and a sort of knife, all in one. Cutting edge technology.